A632.6.3.RB - The High Cost of Conflict


The realization of being wrong is an aweing feeling; we often think we know everything about someone, until we’re surprised with new information. For the last ten years, I’ve been very close to a friend of mine; let’s call her, Red. The last time I actively listened to someone and hoped to hear a person’s story was with my best friend, Red, in a recent road trip.
We interact with a plethora of people everyday; however, we often use a subconscious and insincere approach to listen to them. This road trip did not follow this “modus operandi”; instead, I took the opportunity to listen and learn something new from a relationship I've often thought I've mastered (erroneously). The normal interaction between Red and I is generally lighthearted and fun; on most occasions, we are constantly laughing or making others laugh. This road trip consisted of a 12 hour drive from Fort Lauderdale, Florida to Cleveland, Tennessee with lots of stops and detours on the way back. We encountered lots of obstacles which made our different problem solving skills interesting to observe in retrospect. The long drive gave us the chance to open up about our family and past.
Although we could not give lots of eye contact (because one of us were driving), we did do other active-listening cues. As stated in the Mind Tools video, some techniques to ensure you are really listening include the following: pay attention, perform physical cues that reassure speaker you are listening, provide feedback, defer judgment, and respond appropriately. Other strategies I used, that ensure active listening, include clarifying the meaning, acknowledging what the speaker is feeling, and paraphrasing what is being said (Zachary & Fischler 2017). All of these techniques facilitated the active listening I urged to do.
During this trip, I learned so much new information on a friend I thought I knew everything about. We talked about our major life turning points, school, family, religion, and even music. The most valuable new piece of information I discovered is that you never truly know everything about a person, but if you listen a little harder, you may know just a little more.




M. (n.d.). Active Listening Hear What People are Really Saying. Retrieved November 22, 2018, from https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
Zachary, L. J., & Fischler, L. A. (2017). Adopt strategies for listening actively. Student Affairs Today, 20(4), 4-4. doi:10.1002/say.30354

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